Punch: I'll sing a pack of six pence, a jolly full of why!
Marchel Duchamp's Urinal: I'll show to you a story, sad tale of goodbye.
O Jeepers what a weeper, a tale of woe tis true,
About a mad puppet, O Punch, my friend it's you...!!
Punch: (speaking) Piss off, really, old pal, now stop it.
Leaf: Is it yet time for lunch?
(OFFSTAGE)
Judy: Punch? Puh-unnnnch!!
Punch: (in a whisper) Oh, FUCK...
(Beat)
(Judy enters stage right)
Judy: THERE you are, you worthless drunk loser!!!!
Chipmunk: Fair to par, a purseless punk boozer!
Marchel Duchamp's Urinal: Figaro! Figaro! He's a Schmoh!!!
Punch: Honey...(Punch proceeds to reveal a styrofoam cricket bat, which he turns and immediately starts pummeling Judy on the head with.)...I am BUSY.
Judy: My head hurts. And you are just a pain in my neck.
Marcel Duchamp's Urinal: You should see what he does to me!!
Punch: Quiet, you cum dumpster!
Marcel Duchamp's Urinal: Sorry.
Punch: I was talking to HER!!(gesturing towards Judy)
Leaf: Is it lunchtime, Sir?
Judy: (removing a revolver from her purse) I have tried. And tried. I have been patient.
Punch: Go ahead and shoot me. Put me out of my fucking misery.
Judy: You are a lazy, pathetic, flabby loser. When is the last time you picked up your lute and tried to write a new song?
Punch: Yeah, well. Working yourself to death all the time for love and then getting no play out of it is painful. Drinking and toking to kill the pain has its side effects.
Judy: (firing the revolver at Punch) Are you talking about sex!? HA! I haven't wanted to have sex with you for years!! Die, sperm donor!
Chipmunk: (pulling out a submarine sandwich twice his size): Let's EAT!
Marcel Duchamp's Urinal: (Flush!)
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