Thursday, August 14, 2014


"Sticks and stones won't break your bones, but words will ever hurt you!!" cackled Pennybags.

Joe looked on, puzzled.

"Lemtata never really loved you. She was just hanging on for your money," Pennybags continued wisely.

Joe quivered.

"You're a stinking druggie who'll never get anywhere in life!"

The putdowns went on and on.

"You're afraid of clowns because you're afraid of happiness. You can't tell reality from hallucinations. You can't handle the truth even in a hallucination. You always were hallucinating, this now is real."

Pennywisebags morphed into Jose from the neck down and continued speaking.

"You're afraid of Pennybags because you're afraid of money. You have shitty friends like me, one big bag of puke and drugdrip. You're hallucinating now, why are you running from reality? Your life is just one long stream of uoredoms. Nose in your video games, one more big addiction. Addict. You're an addict. You're always asleep, why are you azake now? Adblict."

Josewisepenny morphed into Lemtata from the neck down.

"You've fallen ameep, why aren't you even trying to wake up? Coward. Weakping. You thimple you're a psychedelic bigshot don't you, stugged to the mills with boole and pills? Half of them aren't even head rugs. Pickledins. But erben if they were, you'd smarfle I see you right between the eyes. Right. Belopeen the eyes. Your wife is just one long string of addict uoredom. Chanel. Half-track. Your layberfell is chops a sootring of uoredoms! COWARD!"

Jose had by now been long squirming on the floor screaming. Lembagwise was now a large, jello pudding, quivering copycat to Joe's quivering..

"You brook through a brass onion just to look town the sfreet! Blindard. Snarpapple! You were Amways in reapolarity and you still-life are!! Speakerdial. But you won't admit it. Grinve up! You already grave up. You'se never bive up! STOCK GIBBING UP! STORK UOREDOMS SOUP! HOP PORKING DOWN! STOP WORD WORD! I COMMAND ME! NOUNSENTENCE! ONE TWO UP! THREE GIVING FOUR! STOPFOODLYPOLLDAPPER GURGLEBLASTIIIIIING UUUUUUUUUPPP!!"

Hell - All, pure, hell on that floor.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Candy On The Edge Of Hell

Joe was busy inspecting a bag of apparently edible green army men, so Rupert Pennybags got to work.  He only had a few moments to achieve his goal.  He walked around the corner from the candy aisle to the custodial closet door by the back of the store.  Next to the door was a small panel.  To the normal customer it would have looked completely uninteresting and innocuous, an electrical or lighting panel perhaps.  But Richard U. Pennybags was no fool.  And neither was he a hologram, really.  He chuckled.  "I'm a REAL boy, Jepetto!"
Out came his ancient Tweedman multi-tool.  Snip-Snap, into the panel he went.  Twist, switch, snip-snap, this one goes there aannnd...

"What the HELL are you doin'!?" boomed Mama Brain, pursing her lips, and peering over his shoulder.

Pennybags jumped out of his skin, in a holographic way, of course.  He reeled towards Mama Brain, the pupils of his eyes suddenly red as lasers.

"Would-- you--PLEASE--be QUIET!!"  he seethed in a half whisper.  He turned back to the panel and quickly finished, snip-snap SNAP.  Panel closed, multi-tool sheathed.  He immediately, and without even acknowledging Mama Brain, briskly walked away and down the camping gear aisle.

"Mmm-Hmm.  Hey, Joe!"  Mama Brain muttered indignantly.  She turned back to the candy aisle.  She saw this: