Thursday, June 11, 2015

Now, Lem! Go the Synthesizer Way!

"...Mark," Lemtata sighed a few minutes later, now back down in her seat in the booth, her eyes still painfully watering from the local atmosphere. "I mean it's a niggl - ummm, ermmm, umm. It's a minor point, I mean we all agree that, uh guy? with that gun was a jerk and that I acted in self-defense. Why do you care if I used my fist or my floss?" Mama Brain nodded agreement.

"Because you're making shit up, that's why." Mark said slowly, while subconciously pulling on his green workman's suspenders. "Yer makin' shit up!" Fast this time. "Those are MY pants. You know that. I know that," he added, sniffling a little snot onto his sleeve. "I loaned them to you. You know. I know. AND I DIDN'T HAVE FLOSS IN MY POCKET. I don't. Ever. 'Cuz that would be weird. C'mon, you hit him. Weren't nobody out there with you to see if you did or not. But all you had were yer fists. Y'hit him."

Mark was the kind of leftover childhood friend that you'd like to get rid of, but you'd kind of feel guilty. And hey, at least they'll loan you a pair of pants when you haven't managed to do the laundry in a week.

"Well... maybe just once you did have floss in your pocket? Just a weird coincidence?"

"Righhht, Lem. Or maybe you slipped a box of floss in the pocket where you were changin' into them in the bathroom here. Magic floss. No-bulge magic floss."

"Uhhh... you were staring at my leg, Mark?" Mark blushed.

"Hey boys," said Mama out of her undying love for confusing Mark. "Girl talk time. And Lem here needs some fresh air." Mama and Lem stepped outside, gasping in relief the moment they did.

After regaining her breath, Lemtata asked, "What is it, Mom? If it's about introducing you to my boyfriend, the answer is still no. He's kind of weird. Anyway, what is it?"

"Lem, I never knew you were one of us. But you are."

"What are you talking about?!"

"You can synthesize."

"Synthesize?"

"Make shit up. But for real. From... atoms, I guess."

"You mean like that floss? Fuck you, I know you like shitting people but this is kind of sick."

"Reach into your pocket, Lem."

Lemtata pulled out a bouquet of dandelions.

"I never knew you cared!"

"Fuck you. Hey... looks like I can't control this? Pick what I get and when and why? Like, can you?"

"...Kind of? Not much? I guess... not? So? Anyway. Will you use it for good?"

"Like a cop?"

"Sure, uh, OK, like a cop." Mama Brain reached into her purse with her eyes closed and handed a confetti-gilded statuette of Ganesh to Lemtata. "This is your badge. I say so. What is it?"

"Some... elephant thing? Looks like a stoner art project."

"Well, that's your badge. Wear it with pride."

"Won't."

"...Bear it with pride?"

"I guess."

"Oh, I should also tell you about Geo--"

...but just then, Mama Brain was hauled off with no justification by a Police car, with Andy Summers at the wheel.

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