Give Up Your Heart

In this Romania not yet reconfigured for modern tourism, is not an easy trek from the roadway to the Scărişoara Ice Cave, but Glenn is a physically fit, and driven, man. Glenn's friend's home is also, naturally, in the part of the cave forbidden to tourists and unreachable without ropes, but in this Romania not yet reconfigured for modern capitalism, restrictions melt under money and other magic, like friendship. Odd and societally odious friendships, shared with his old friend.


Even these have a limit. For the last hundred feet, he spelunks alone, in the dark, relieved when at last he spots the bonfire dominating Jens' cozy cavernous home.

"I always gotta wonder, Jens, the way how you and your Romanian friends refuse to meet... do you hate them, or do they hate you?"


"We hate each other because we are sick. We love each other because we are the only ones we know who are so sick. But you know I hate myself the most, Glenn."


"You know you have a right to live, Jens. You acted on it. Why go halfway? Why live but hate yourself?"


"I know many people had a right to live, Glenn. People I killed."


"And you had a right to mistakes."


"But not to play God."


"You weren't playing God, Jens. You were playing faithful."


"A sick faith."


"There are no others. I wrote words for you, Jens. I might not find music for them soon. When I do I will make a special trip so you can hear it. I wrote:


I am a walking screaming hell
A thing of torture to behold
This vivisection splits my soul
A thing of torture to behold
Where you run to
Won't take too long
I've come to get you
Won't take too long
And death should know we
No hesitating
Give up your heart
It ain't so lonely
Without your heart
And death should know me
My hands are dirty wirh his blood
And i can take you there
I've got a brand new god
And if i lay you there
Under my brand new god
Then i will slay you there
For my brand new god
Where are you running to
It didn't take too long
I've come and gone now
You didn't take too long
And death should know me
My hands are dirty with his blood
And death should know me after all
I prepared you for the second coming of my god

"I hate you, Glenn."

"I love you, Jens."

"I love you, Glenn. JESUS, not like that, you sick fuck." Saying this, Glenn regardless dived onto Jens and hugged him, despite the stench emanating from his tattered jacket. The thunderous embrace was too much for a threadbare patch remaining on the garment, reading "KZ Stutthof"; it fluttered into Jens' shaded kerosene lamp and briefly ignited. Now only the Untersturmführer's SS sign, eagle, and three silver pips remained.

"Do you have... Glenn do you... I'm so selfish but you know it is so hard here..."

"Don't be ashamed you need help not to go crazy. Be proud you're not totally crazy yet. Yes! Yes you'd better believe I brought something. I can't believe didn't do this before. Well I mean it's always hard with climbing the cave, but this is important. I should have done this sooner. OK, this is a Walkman. These are AA batteries, I'll talk about storing them later. These are tapes. The Japanese make great stuff, your war turned out great for them. Or us. Or somebody."

Jens frowned.

"OK here we've got Brahms, Beethoven, Bach, every musician your culture idolized. Yeah, I know, two-edged sword. I think that's OK that it's a two-edged sword. And here we have Chopin, Penderecki --" at this, Jens gave a questioning look -- "yeah not real well known in your day... he's for if you ever feel like torturing yourself with style, then we got some generic Polish Baroque... man, sorry that's all the Poles I got but to be honest with myself here, I don't fucking know much about classical, especially outside the West... damn German tastemakers never gave much room to the Poles and hey anyway I don't know if this shit'll be welcome with you or... oh... look, anyway and then here's our band's stuff. And some brainless pop, listen the hell out of it, forget everything, forget you ever did anything goddammit."

"Glenn. Always remember. All your gifts are good. But most I thank your family for my life."